Hold them close

This post is mostly for me as a mommy.  The other night as I was getting the boys in bed, I usually have my obligatory cuddling of Jordan, and Aaron was a little jealous and wanting his fair share of mommy cuddling.  As I held my children close, and stroked their heads or rubbed their backs to help them relax and go to sleep, it was one of those inexplicable moments of joy.  I had my small child who wanted me close.  I could feel their warmth, and they could feel mine.  Everything was warm and safe and calm.  It was heaven.

I started asking myself:  Will they know when they are older and no longer wanting to be held by mom that they are loved?  Will they remember that they are special?  Will those terrible teenage years totally rob them of those feelings of comfort and peace, or will they be able to remember how they were loved and held, and will always be loved?  Will they remember that they have a Father in Heaven that loves them and helps them along in life?  Will they be able to cling to faith?  Will they be able to be strong when life is hard?  I prayed fervently that they would be able to be strong, faithful, loyal, courageous.  You never know what life is going to hand you.  You have no control over that.  But you have control over how you choose to react, and how you to choose to act.  You have control over only you.

So if years ahead are hard for these little ones that I love more than I love life itself, then I can remember that I don't have control over that, but I have control over me.  I can choose to love, to support, to counsel, to stay silent when it's the right thing to do.  I can choose to trust that there is a God, that there is a purpose for me.  There is a purpose for them, and that He's able to guide us through life.  I'll trust that He knows what He's doing, even if I can't see the big picture.  I'll trust that wrongs can be made right, and that to love and to give is what makes me happy.  I hope that I can teach them well enough to trust and to love too.